Another Easter has passed by and I am still struggling to find the motivation I had during the fall.
It seems that 2015 is the years of the ups and downs with more downs (or at least apparently). It has become usual in the entries of the blog to talk about me not being motivated enough or a bit lost, and the reality is that we are now in April and that feeling is still with me. Things happen on daily basics, generally very nice ones, but I am still feeling like something is missing, that push that kept me going during last semester is now gone and I feel like I am constantly waiting. But the hell am I waiting for? I hope I can find that answer soon.
“Gaps in my dairy speak volumes about me”,
That quote belongs to a Gary Go song and at the moment I feel very identified with. It has been almost a month since my last entry and these have been rough days in which I have been down majority of the time, although not sure why, I feel like several circumstances combined have made the last month a bit bad. Nevertheless, not all has been bad (of course) but I am now focusing my will in staying positive, recovered and overall happier. Hope it pays back.
I have graduated!
Let the joy spread around! I have finished my design studies 🙂 yei me! I have learned a lot during this year and a half and I will try to make give my home a bust to its best possibilities (not only now but also in the future). If there’s something I have realized during this journey is that decoration requires time, attention and personality to make you space home and not just a house.
I am really looking forward the future challenges (not only design related).
And then stress took over once more,
Although I’ve been feeling generally positive about things it turned out that I am again destroying myself a bit. Now that there’s a stage closing and I am in the crossroad of decisions to make, I find myself stressing and loosing control of my body, and once again I don’t know how to solve this crap (which is, btw, getting me very tired).
Can I just sleep for a year or something?
Yeii, the project is almost done!
So everything has gone smoothly and I’ve managed to do all in time, I cannot be happier. I have been sacrificing lots of couple time but it was, sadly, necessary to get the things done. After this week I can retake my normal life and take care about myself, the boy and the house.
Despite this good news of getting things done, I feel I am going through some change in my mind, dunno yet where this will lead but I feel it’s related with my latest readings. In any case, a change for the better, hopefully.
Well, well, the essay is done,
I cannot believe I’ve really done it on time! When I came back home after the short vacations in Spain I could only think that I was not going to make it, but I’ve used my (only) talent of planning and it went nicely. It will have to be corrected and polish (biblio and footnotes included) but for the rest of the week I am doing nothing about it.
Now is time to do other things, namely keep on advancing in the final design project and writing the essay on law and morals prior the start of my new course (Elements of Modern Law). I am so relieved that this semester is going to be easygoing! I think I couldn’t handle another one with five courses plus work (although at least the design will be over soon).
Routine or not routine,
Having coming back to work and studying is proving to be quite challenging after this short holiday period. I feel rather unfocussed, although I am advancing in several things. I am starting the year having tons of doubts about everything I do, think, write, etc. not sure why but I feel I am stuck in a changing mode that will (eventually) lead me somewhere.
Meanwhile I will just try to survive with all I have to do and let’s hope January treats me well, as good as December did.
Happy New Year!
So another year has passed, this time we are leaving to Helsinki when last year I had just arrived to Spain. We have had a rather short holiday home and now it’s time to go back to the routine and normality of our days in Helsinki. I am a bit concerned about the flight because there’s supposed to be a storm but hopefully we will arrive on time and we won’t get very sick on board.
Last year I managed to finish the design studies and now there’s only the final project remaining, it makes me happy to see that I fulfilled the goals I set for last month 🙂
This week was a great success!
I do not know how but I have managed to do almost all I had in my “to do” list so I am more than happy. In my last entry I talked about the Faculty Christmas party and I have to admit that turned out pretty nicely and I even had nice clothes! Yei me! I am still wondering how the pictures are going to be, since I don’t think of myself as a very photogenic person, but never know.
In this week I have received very nice Christmas gifts from my co-workers and friends (mainly eatable treats) and those have make me really happy! It starts to feel little by little that I am fitting in 🙂 But it makes me happier that I am a step closer to finish the design exams, I still need to draw a section of the whole house and make another plan with materials but then it will be done, hopefully I will be able to send it the week of Christmas and then I will fill in the last exam’s practical questions and it will be done!
Despite this joy I am a bit concern about the last subject of the master, I still need to write an essay and I don’t really feel confident about it. I lack inspiration and will to start reading the material I have printed, but let’s see, maybe inspiration comes one day (I still have have one month for that).
I go to stare through the window, it’s snowing!
There’s a song saying “the gaps in my diary speaks volumes about me”,
and this is what had just happened here. During this long gap in my electronic diary I have done and gone through many things, I went to tons of lessons, eat with many friends, read many articles, wrote essays, took exams, had panic attacks, lost sight, got a cold, went to the museum, took care of the department for a week and survive!
I am now moving back to more calmed days, again my working weeks will be 20 hours and not 50 like in last months, so hopefully I will be able to finish my design studies, write the essay that is due in January (if the teacher approves my topic) and read nice the books I bought yesterday.
These belong to the Great Ideas series of Penguin books, a collection of 100 books with the most relevant ideas of mankind. As you can see I bought Seneca, Plato and Epictetus, who are quite old authors but surely will give me great ideas. I am now aiming to collect the series (if I like it enough).
This week I need to buy a decent outfit for the Department photo shoot and Faculty Party because I have nothing to wear and apparently I cannot buy a dress because my sizes do not match, I have an S up and M down so I have to aim at double piece thing. Let’s see what I find!